Monday, November 28, 2005

Waiting for Eureka

Despite the harmony I achieved in reconciling what I know with how the world works, I am still obviously missing something, or I wouldn't be up at 4:00AM. This got me to thinking to what consider what exactly is it that I am looking for.

When I "lost my faith," or when I reached that lovely paradigm shift discussed here, I had an "Aha!" moment. The questions that were lingering for years came into sharp focus and something clicked. An afterlife is so hard to imagine, because it most likely does not exist. There is so much evidence for evolution because it is true. There is a paucity of evidence supporting the Biblical narrative because it's mostly not literally true. Free will is an ill-defined concept because it most likely does not exist. Bad things happen to good people because bad things happen to bad people. Man is torn between emotion and intellect because different neural structures literally compete against each other. Jewish music sucks because Jewish music sucks.

But what now? How can religion ever prevail? The thought of a magical silver bullet is most unlikely. The leading kiruv klowny theories supporting the existence of a God as described in the Bible are so ridiculous that it is entertaining to hear someone try to make the case. Will there ever be a moment when my world view shifts again and I see truth behind everything that seems like nonsense now?

For some reason I doubt it. People far smarter than I am devoted their lives to the reconciling the division between science (i.e., "reality") and the mythical nature of religion and failed. RYBS didn't succeed and instead came to terms with the dialectic with out resolution and concluded that life is the struggle between these two competing views of human existence. I have a feeling the remaining years of my life are going to be a low-level conflict, or a war of attrition, between reality and my upbringing. Eventually one might win, but the lonely man of agnosticism faces the same conflict as the lonely man of faith.

What would resolution even look like?