Succos Explained

Humorous article on Succos and associated holidays.

Succos - This means, "Eight day zoning violation" and celebrates the time the Jews broke the Guinness record for wandering the longest before finally asking for directions. The Jews built sukkahs for shelter when they left Egypt in middle of the summer. Therefore, we logically commemorate the event by scheduling the holiday for the beginning of winter.

In Israel, Succos lasts for 7 days, but everywhere else it lasts for 8. This is because outside of Israel, scientists have cloned humans, viewed galaxies that are billions of light years away, played with remote control cars on Mars, but have not been able to determine when exactly the new moon begins.